D             <<< SPCVXA::$1$DUA2:[NOTES$LIBRARY]X-NUTWORKS.NOTE;2 >>>0                                 -< X-NUTWORKS >-P ================================================================================P Note 6.0                             Issue 5                          No repliesP SPCVXA::BEN "Ben Cohen"                             610 lines   6-MAR-1990 19:12P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------H ************************************************************************H ************************************************************************H ***                                                                  ***H ***                                                                  ***H ***                            NutWorks                              ***H ***                           ----------                             ***H ***              The Inter-Net Virtual Magazine for Those            ***H ***                  Who Believe Reality is a Concept,               ***H ***                     That Has No Place in Life.                   ***H ***                                                                  ***H ***          Septmember 1985, Issue005, (Volume II, Number 1)        ***H ***                                                                  ***H ************************************************************************H ************************************************************************   *                          Editor's Comments*                          =================   % (The following is somewhat outdated.)    H     Well folks do to circumstances  beyond  his  control  (the FBI beingH after him) Brent CJ Britton is now residing in another  country  waitingH for the heat to blow off.  Through my various underground contacts I wasH able to contact Brent and obtained two things from him.   The first  wasH editorship of this magazine and the second  was  the  interview  which IH included below.  I would like to thank Brent wherever he is for allowingH me to carry on the name of  NutWorks  and I wish him the best of luck in avoiding the Feds.   H     In order to get this issue out as soon as possible I will just closeH my comments by thanking my staff and all the people who contributed art-H icles to this issue and all the people who have made NutWorks  a  succes? in the past and I am sure will make it a success in the future.         Now onto the real stuff !!!    H ------------------------------------------------------------------------      )                             NutWorks News )                             =============      (Outdated text deleted.)    H ------------------------------------------------------------------------      8                       An Interview With Brent CJ Britton3                           Former Editor of NutWorks 8                       ==================================      H     When asked why he had  given up the  Editor's  position at  NutWorksH magazine, Mr. Britton, bewteen sips on a Mt. Dew 'n' gyn 'n' tonic,  had this to say:H     "Well, NutWorks was just this magazine, you know?  I mean, sure,  itH was nice at first.. real nice.  Had a few really  good  people   workingH for me. Real pro's of prose you might say.. heh heh.. Yup. It was great.H But then some of  'em, well,  you know..  they just started getting intoH all this technical bullsh*t... started suggesting things like putting inH all sorts of "This Page Intentionaly Left Blank." They even wanted me toH start using Waterloo Script for Gawd's Sake!  Well, I just kinda figuredH that it'd be best if  I  just let the  magazine  go and stuck to my drugH smuggling.. OOPS!   Hey,  you're  not gonna *print* that or anything areH you?   I mean,  I was just kidding...  I  really  don't smuggle drugs or- anything... hey where you going?  Oh sh*t..."    H ------------------------------------------------------------------------      8               How To Run Multi-Talk AND Keep Your Sanity)                         (both in one day) *                        by Billy at BMACADM8               ==========================================      H     Welcome fellow users if Bitnet.  As you all have read about the mis-H     use or abuse of the networks with the use of a chat,  we  will  lookH     into the abuse that a chat operator takes in one days time not  onlyH     from the users of the chat but also from  the  students,  and  headsH     from CUNYVM.  It is almost 8:00 p.m. the bewitching hour for me. TheH     time when I bring up Multi-Talk. The system comes up ASUACAD all theH     way down to WEIZMANN sign-on to do what people regularly do....CHAT.H     By the time 8:30 comes around, total count of users  are  17.  I  amH     biting my nails praying that my bosses dont find out why  there  areH     no jobs coming out...   I come up with excuses from  cuny is slow...H     to Cuny is having  problems with their 3081k.  At this time studentsH     start grumbling and start screaming where the F--K is my job? I  ran     it 45 minutes ago!!!!    1  Then I say non-chalantly let me check the queue:   I do an SM NETWORK Q SYS Q E  The system replies      LINK CUNYJES3 connect    P=3  S=6  Q=99  R=0    H  The third letter 'Q' deals with the queue or backlog of jobs waiting toH  come back .....I start lying that there are only 2 jobs waiting  to  be	  printed.    H  I quiet down the people for awhile that is until I sign  on  to  Multi-H  Talk....there I beg for people please shut-up for ten minutes so we can  get our jobs out............    H ------------------------------------------------------------------------      )                      Mr. Spock's Proverbs )                      ====================       H Here are 30 familiar sayings in rather unfamiliar language.  To give youH an example of what it's all about, the first one is, "Like father,  like son."    @ Get it?  Answers supplied below, courtesy of the Ailanthus Tree.   !  1.  Similar sire, similar scion.    &  2.  Precipitancy creates prodigality.   F  3.  Tenants of vitreous abodes ought to hurl no lithohidal fragments.   F  4.  It is not proper for mendicants to be indicatrous of preferences.   G  5.  Compute  not  your immature  gallinaceens  prior  to  their  being       produced.   G  6.  It is fruitless to become lacrymous because of  scattered  lacteal       fluid.    G  7.  Cleave gramineous matter for fodder during the period that the orb       of the day is refulgent.    ;  8.  A feline possesses the power to contemplate a monarch.    @  9.  Pulchritude does not extend below the surface of the derma.   G 10.  Failure to be present  causes  the  vital  organ  to  become  more       enamored.   H 11.  Every article which coruscates is not fashioned from aureate metal.   H 12.  Freedom from guile or fraud constitutes the most  excellent  princ-      iple of procedure.    ; 13.  Each canine passes through his period of per-eminence.    G 14.  Consolidated, you and I maintain  ourselves  erect;  separated, we !      defer to the law of gravity.    G 15.  You cannot  estimate the value of the contents of a bound, printed 4      narrative, or record from its exterior vesture.   G 16.  Folks deficient in ordinary judgment  scurringly  enter  areas  on .      which celestial beings dread to set foot.   G 17.  Liquid relish  for  the  female  anserine  fowl is the  individual       condiment for the male.   G 18.  A feathered creature clasped  in the manual  members is  equal  in *      value to a brace in the bosky growth.   G 19.  The  individual of the class aves, arriving before appointed time, 8      seizes the invertebrate animal of the group vermes.   G 20.  Socially orientated individuals tend to congregate in gregariously       homogeneous groupings.    G 21.  One may address a member  of the  equidae  family  toward  aqueous <      liquid, but one is incapable of impelling him to quaff.   G 22.  Forever  refrain  from  enumerating  the  dental  projection  of a -      bequeathed member of the equidae family.    G 23.  One pyrus  malus per diem restrains the arrival of the hippocraticY
      apostle.E  >G 24.  Fondness for notes of exchange constitutes the tuberous  structure=,      of all satanically inspired principles.  =G 25.  Supposing one primarily fails to be victorious.  Bend further eff-       orts in that direction.  BG 26.  Prudence and sagacity are  the  worthier  condiments  of  intrepid-
      courage.-  -= 27.  Be adorned with the pedal encasement that gives comfort.*  *G 28.  He who expresses merriment in finality expresses merriment excell-*!      ing either in equal quality.*  *< 29.  A beholden vessel never exceeds 212 degrees Fahrenheit.   9 30.  A rotating lithohidal fragment never accrues lichen.          & Mr. Spock's Proverbs, in human English& --- ------- --------- -- ----- -------    1. Like father, like son.  2. Haste makes waste. 1 3. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.  4. Beggars can't be choosers.M0 5. Don't count your eggs before they're hatched. 6. Don't cry over spilled milk.c! 7. Make hay while the sun shines. ! 8. Even a cat may look at a king.f 9. Beauty is only skin deep (?) ( 10. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.! 11. All that glitters isn't gold.  12. Honesty is the best policy.m 13. Every dog has its day.' 14. Together we stand, divided we fall. ( 15. You can't judge a book by its cover.- 16. Fools step in where angels fear to tread.*7 17. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.*0 18. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.! 19. The early bird gets the worm. & 20. Birds of a feather flock together.? 21. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.o* 22. Do not look a gift horse in the mouth.) 23. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.w, 24. Greed for money is the root of all evil.2 25. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again., 26. Discretion is the better part of vallor. 27. If the shoe fits, wear it.# 28. He who laughs last laughs best.n 29. A watched pot never boils.; 30. A rolling stone gathers no moss.feather flock together.w  eH ------------------------------------------------------------------------  t  b/                            NEW OPERATING SYSTEMd(                                IBM VU/OS3                         (UCPL030@UNLVM Contributor)f/                            ====================o  i  sG With increasing demands for faster operating systems, IBM has announced G the Virtual Universe Operating System (VU/OS). Running under VU/OS eachaG universe in which the programmer signs on can set up or take down prog--G rams, data sets, system networks, personnel and planetary systems.   By G simply specifying the desired  universe  the  VU/OS  system  generation G Program (IEHGOD) does the rest.  This program, resident in SYS1.GODLIB,-G requires a minimum of 6 days of activity and 1 day of review.   In con- G junction with VU/OS, all system utilities have  been  replaced  by  one=G program IEHPROPHET which resides in SYS1.MESSIAH.  No forms or  controluG cards are necessary since the program knows what you want to do when itp is to be executed.  'G Naturally, the user must have attained a certain degree of sophisticat- G ion in the data processing field if an efficient utilization  of  VU/OSeG is to be achieved.  Frequent calls to non-resident galaxies, for  inst- G ance, can lead to unexpected delays in the execution of a job. AlthoughhG IBM, through its wholly-owned subsidiary, the United States, is workingeG on a program to upgrade the speed of light and thus reduce the overheadlG of extraterrestrial and metadimensional paging, users must  be  careful!G for the present to stay within the laws of physics.   VU/OS will run onzG any IBM x0xx equipped with Extended  WARP  Feature.  Rental  is  twenty G million dollars per cpu/nanosecond. Micro-code assist will be availableeG for all odd-numbered processors  to allow the use of non-contiguous CPU.G clock times.  This feature will be prerequisite for the  implementation-4  of the University of Nebraska virtual date package.  eG Users should be aware that IBM plans to migrate  all  existing  systems G and hardware to VU/OS as soon as engineers effect one  output  that  is=G (conceptually) error-free.  This will give us a base to develop an eveneG more powerful operating system, target date 2001,  designated  "VirtualcG Reality".  VR/OS  is planned to enable the user to  migrate to  totallyeG unreal universes.  To aid the user in  identifying  the  difference,  asG linear arrangement of multisensory total records of successive  momentsh7 of now will be established.  Its name will be SYS1.est..  e> For information, call your IBM data processing representative.  t4 (Reprinted from the February '80 Rutgers Newsletter)  :H ------------------------------------------------------------------------  r  n!                        My Dog Sex !                        ==========.     o=  Usually, everyone  who has a dog  either calls him  Rover or =  Boy or  something. I call  mine "Sex".  Well, Sex is  a veryr=  embarrassing name. One day I took Sex  for a walk and he ran =  away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A cop camec=  along and asked  me what I was  doing in this alley  at 4:00l=  A.M. I  said, "I'm looking for  Sex." My case comes  up nexte
  Thursday.=   One day I  went to city Hall to get a  dog licence for Sex. =  The clerk  asked me  what I wanted.  I told  him I  wanted a =  lisence for Sex.  He said, "I would like to  have one, too." =  Then I said, "But this is a dog." And he said he didn't carel=  how she looked. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had.=  Sex since I  was two years old." He replied,  "You must have-  been a strong boy."=   When I decided  to get married, I told the  minister that I =  wanted to have Sex at the wedding.  He told me to wait untily=  after the wedding. I said, "But Sex  played a big part of my =  life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex." He said he.=  didn't want  to hear  about my personal  life and  would noth=  marry us  in his church. I  told him everyone coming  to thei=  wedding would enjoy  having Sex there. The next  day we weree=  married by  the Justice  of the Peace.  My family  is barredo  from the church.t=   My wife and I took the  dog along with us on the honeymoon.m=  When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted =  a room  for my wife  and I and a  special room for  Sex. Ther=  clerk said that every  room in the motel is for  Sex. Then Io=  said, "You don't  understand. Sex keeps me  awake at night."f  And the clerk said, "Me, too."s=   One day  I told my friend that  I had Sex on  T.V. He said,d=  "Show-off" I  told him  it was a  contest and  he told  me Ie  should have sold tickets.=   When my wife and I seperated  we went to court to fight fory=  custody of the dog. I said, "Your  honor, I had Sex before I =  was married." And the Judge said. "Me, too." When I told himl:  that after I was married Sex left me, he said, "Me, too."=   Well, now I've been thrown  in jail, been married, divorceda=  and had more trouble with that  dog than I ever gambled for. =  Why just the other day when I went for my first session withh=  the  psychiatrist  and  she  said, "What  seems  to  be  ther=  trouble?" I replied,  "Sex died and left my  life. It's like =  losing a best  friend and it's so lonely."  The doctor said,l=  "Look Mister, you and I both  know that Sex isn't man's bestt"  friend- So GET YOURSELF A DOG!!!"  vH ------------------------------------------------------------------------  i  hG  ======<THE HELPFUL HACKERS DIRECTORY OF UNKNOWN SYSTEM COMMANDS>======t<              Contributed by the Mad Pirate (RAAQC987@CUNYVM)  p  n KILL <Account ID> <System>C         The  Kill command  is generally  used to eliminate accountsdC         of people  with  higher indexes than you.  A  GPA parametero<         can be added to dictate the maximum allowable index.  i ADD <Account ID> <System>l;         Used to create new accounts on a particular system.20               (No system should be without one!)  p LULLABYE <System> C         Puts the  system's  CPU  to  sleep for  a minimum  of eightuA         hours. For extended snooze time, see the 'CRASH' command.E  >" SINK <Account ID> <fn> <ft> (<fm>)C         Erases a file in any  users reader  which has been  shippedrC         to them. The TORPEDO  command may also be used in  place ofuC         SINK.   special  "Import taxes"  may be  levied on the userc9         user from their account funds for extra shipping.-   $ SNEEZE <Account ID> <fn> <ft> (<fm>)C         Used to scramble other users' files.   One must specify the C         user and the program name to be  sneezed at.  Sneezing at anC         file will scatter it's characters  and diagnostics through-sC         out the system. One hacker reports  a single sneeze sendingiC         fragments of a recipe file  flying  over the French Riviera-+         in the vicinity of a remote TRS-80.h    PUSH <fn> <ft> (<fm>) @location C         Used to rush the printout  of a program.  This command willtC         push other user's  programs  queued to be printed aside  soDC         as to print yours.  This command  tends  to purge the otherE&         printouts as well.   (heh heh)  s  SHOVE <fn> <ft> (<fm>) @LocationC         When another  hacker  pushes  your  program off the printer C         queue,  shove yours right back on,   and  theirs off!  Whenr         push comes to shove...  o INSULT <Account ID> <Fake ID>eC         Sends  random insults to a user, but displays its source asf6         from the <Fake ID> inputted into the  command.  a INNUNDATE <Account ID>C         Ships  thousands of  meaningless  reader files  such as 2ndkC         grade  multiplication tables and the interior layout of thedC         Maytag  dishwasher to  <Account ID>  until  "Disk Full"  isy         achieved.w  w  CRASH <System> <System Location>C         Considered a  staple of the hacker's vocabulary,  the crash C         command can  incapacitate a system for a period propotionaliC         to its integrity.  Vulnerable systems such as VM may be outlC         to lunch for weeks while more  "state-of-the-art"  machines C         usually  snap out of it in a  matter  of hours.  Convenient-,         for extending due-dates on projects.  I ASSAULT <System>C         Secretly  sends an extra parity bit into the system.   SaidUC         bit  sneaks  up behind the  CPU  and  knocks  it senseless, C         robbing  it of its  ROM  in the  process.   Upon  regaining C         consciousness,  the  CPU  discovers its  priveleged  memorydC         locations  gone  and  immediately  loses  all  respect  foro=         itself causing irreversable I/O damage.  Tough break.     IDCRISIS <Hardware>BC         Takes a perfectly  good piece of hardware and convinces  itrC         that it's  a household  appliance.   Disk  drives  suddenlySC         think they're  phonographs causing immediate and brutal (ohiC         the pain!) head  crashes.   Video terminals revert to their C         primitive instincts  as television sets and are  determined C         to  innundate the  dizzy user  with laxative,  dress shieldhC         and  absorbant bladder pad  commercials.  Considered  to bee;         one of the more aggressive type of hacker commands.n  e HEEHEE <Account ID>dC         Tucks a string of tickle bits into the  current job of  thetC         specified  account  number.  Upon  reaching the  RUN STATE,eC         the altered job causes the  CPU to experience convulsions &oC         uncontrollable  laughter  resulting  in mangled source code C         and  undefined  variables  to  be  spit back into the usersr         lap.  iC Note:   'Laughter'  here,  is a  term  used to  identify the  CPU'siC         behavior in this  situation which generally consists of the C         re-initialization  of the user's  disk space  and reductione%         of account priority to -4000.l   - BUSY2NITE? <Account ID> <Desp. Val.> (<Gift>) C         Sends a pickup line  to the specified Account Id  or to all C         members of uniform sex  by replacing the parameter with 'F'sC         or 'M'.  The  desperation  value  (0 - 10)  results  in the C         issuance of  messages ranging from "Busy to night?" to "SaygC         yes or I'll gargle with Clorox".   Options are available tos'         send flowers or a box of candy.   e SPIN <'On','Off'> C         Shades of the twilight zone!  'Spin'  causes all disks thatsC         connected into the  system to suddenly start spinning away.sC         Not very constructive  (or destructive), but it sure scaresn-         the hell out of the system employees.i    AGE <Hardware,System>eC         The age command will  suddenly convince a piece of hardware C         or a system that it has  gone obsolete and will be replacedrC         next week by a more  'state of the art' machine.  As  panic-C         begins to spread throughout the system,  the CPU may becomeMC         unpredictably irritable and will  purge  all  inbound jobs,rC         while at the same time inform the  systems liasons  that it C         has gone down and will not run  another process until it isa$         assured better job security.  aC note:   this  command  only works  with  newer  systems since olderd@         systems  (+ 2 years)  already have tenure.  i.e. sigma 7  " CHPOL <Policy>C         One of the most powerful of hacker  commands,  CHPOL allows C         one to change the  current  policy  used  for selection  ofn5         the next job.  Policy options are as follows:a   C FIFO (First-In-First-Out) :    Good  for the  early  birds  amongst""                                us.  lC FILO (First-In-Last-Out)  :    This'll  teach  those   goody-goodysa(                                a lesson!  -  CGFO (Closest Guess First Out) :C                                Whom ever  guesses  closest  to  the C                                number the CPU was thinking  of goes $                                next.   < SJN (Shortest Job Next)   :    Tends to favor CS10 students.  dC SNN (Shortest Name Next)  :    The  user  with  the  shortest  nameu)                                goes next.n  tC LJN (Largest Job Next)    :    Tends to  favor  programs with a lote+                                of comments.   iC LBN (Largest Bribe Next)  :    Tends to  favor users  with a lot ofn%                                dough.h  eC SN (Shortest Next) :           Users enter  their height,  shorteste)                                goes next.   eC RR (Round Robin)   :           Each  job   runs  for  a  set   timeoC                                quantum.   If  time  runs out,  users<                                goes to the back of the line.   C RK (Round Kvetch)  :           Jobs  run  for  a set time  quantum.lC                                If time  runs out,  user must  go to C                                the  back  of  the line  but  if  heoC                                kvetches  the life out of the CPU he.?                                will be granted additional time.d  MC LN (Largest Next)  :           User must enter  his / her weight ate,                                compile time.  v) TTTNY (Tomorrow Today, Today Next Year) :hC                                Reverses  current  policy  such thataC                                low  priority jobs  run  immediatelyl@                                high priority jobs are well-aged.   C FFA (Free-For-All) :           Users slug it out in the I- buildingt,                                for next job.   C NJN (No Jobs Next) :           Operating system's on  vacation. Try-*                                next month.  EC ===================================================================     PUNCH <Account ID>C         This  seemingly  typical   (i.e. Punch <fn> <ft> (<fm>)  TonC         <Account ID>)  and  "harmless" command is perhaps  the most C         accidentally used.  The  Punch command  sends  a  stream of C         unintelligable  characters  to the user.  The  CPU,  seeing C         this and realizing that it can't cope with such  disasters, *         immediately disconnects said user.  UB           (Ever wonder why your friend was suddenly disconnected?)  iC         This command is also useful when  being  harrassed  by,  orS#         for harassing, other users.f  < BUG <Account ID>C         The bug command  is used  to listen in to messages  sent to C         and from said User ID.  The messages are placed  in  a file C         called  "Stolen Messages A",   which is  especially  fun to /         read late at night or aloud at parties.g    BLACKOUT <System> C         Timed two hours after being inputted into the  system,  theOC         blackout command will sneak up behind an  unsuspecting  CPUdC         and clobber it with a large I/O  request.   Upon  reviving,dC         the CPU will discover most of it's  storage area  gone  andiC         may have to spend several years with a computer analyst  sor9         that it may fully recover all it's lost memories.R  0 DRAIN <System>C         Electric bills getting you down?  Kvetch no more!   "Drain"gC         taps in to the  system's power source and links on  to your C         main power line. Good for  recharging your  car  battery ore%         just plain vaccuuming chores.o   C Note:   Do not use to power computer to logon to  system  or  powerhC         will travel  back in a loop and  blow up  parts  of severalu         buildings.    PTOOEY <@Location>C         The Ptooey command automatically diverts all  printouts  toDC         the location specified. The printer operator will  suddenlytC         be overwhelmed with  thousands of  outputs  pouring  out of C         the printers. This command has been  known to  bury  entire C         buildings and should  only  be used by  extremely disturbedt         individuals.  d Hog <System>C         'Hog'  causes  the  operating  system  to  allow only  youriC          programs into the  system.   Great  when running processestC          with infinite loops. All other jobs  will be deemed "Non -cB          Specific Error in Line 1" just to  confuse everyone else.    Shock <Operator/Liason>aC         Send a  high voltage  power surge  to  the terminal of youreC         favorite  Systems Operator.  This command  can  have varieduC         results depending upon the terminal the  operator/liason isSC         using.  A cheap terminal may simply  freeze in  mid-screen,sC         while a more expensive terminals may go into complete shock C         and  fry all the  programs  on  the  public disk.  And morepC         exclusively expensive terminals have been known  to explodee/         rather suddenly, and without warning...e  t Freak <Account Id>C         Ever wanna freak out those users who know more than you do?eC         The freak command causes error messages at said  Account Id &         for the most routine commands.  t
 Examples are:o    Command:          Message: -------           -------yC Wpascal fn     -  What's wrong?   You can't  read  Pascal yourself,)                   Error!  n@ Show Balance   -  What do you think I am?  An acrobat?... Error!   ' Exec fn ft     -  Why should I?  Error!t  h- File           -  Am I your secretary? Error!    C Dirm PW        -  What's da matter?   You can't speak good english?                    Error!  t Flake <Account Id> <On/Off> C         Sends random bit streams to said Account Id's terminal. The C         longer the  command is in effect,  the more  'SNOW'  (ThosehC         (those annoying white dots of  static  which cloud up cheaprC         terminals)  that will  appear  falling from the  top of the C         screen.   Makes terminals  look like those  shake and  snow          scenes.r   + CREATIVACCOUNT <Account Id/Liason/Operator>iD         Adjust account funds and balances with this helpful command.  t LOGLIAC         Liason denied you more funds?   I-Building worker lost yoursC         output?   Loglia automatically logs off all liasons, system C         employees and all other members of high authority that havei&         given you trouble in the past.  t  l" Compiled by:   RAAQC161 & TIGQC318  rH ------------------------------------------------------------------------