D             <<< SPCVXA::$1$DUA2:[NOTES$LIBRARY]X-NUTWORKS.NOTE;2 >>>0                                 -< X-NUTWORKS >-P ================================================================================P Note 10.0                            Issue 9                          No repliesP SPCVXA::BEN "Ben Cohen"                             678 lines   6-MAR-1990 19:25P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------H ------------------------------------------------------------------------   B     When Joan Rivers cancelled her "Tonight Show" monologue on theC evening of January 28, it was because joviality and laughter seemed C so inappropriate in the shadow of the Space Shuttle disaster.  That C day, the world did not laugh; it wept and prayed for the astronauts 2 who were lost, and it mourned with their families.   $     There is little to be said here.   , (Note: The following paragraph is outdated.)   B     The staff of NutWorks urges you to contact Csnews at Maine andE join in the Network-wide effort to compile a sympathy card which will A be sent to the families of Challenger's astronauts.  Files should F be sent to CSNEWS@MAINE.BITNET.  The TOP line of the file should read:    /APPEND CARD   ; ... and the file should have a filetype of CSNOTICE or CSN.    F There are no other requirements.  Please respond before March 1, 1986.    Thank you for reading this.    H ------------------------------------------------------------------------   H ************************************************************************H ************************************************************************H ***                                                                  ***H ***                                                                  ***H ***                            NutWorks                              ***H ***                           ----------                             ***H ***               The Inter-Net Virtual Humor Magazine               ***H ***             which says that people who are sane don't            ***H ***                DESERVE the drugs we crazies get!!                ***H ***                                                                  ***H ***         February, 1986.  Issue009, (Volume II, Number 5).        ***H ***              Brent C J Britton <Brent@Maine.BITNET>              ***H ************************************************************************H ************************************************************************    An invitation to all readers:  ============================   C     NutWorks is looking for original articles on *any* topic and of F humorous nature to be published in future issues of NutWorks.  If you,F or anyone one you know, is interested in having people from around the* world read your work,  please let us know!   F    Articles may be sent to any member of the staff; please do not sendF articles to Csnews at Maine.  The decision to publish any article willF be that  of the NutWorks staff,  and will be based on the humorous andG literary qualities of the article.  Articles may be signed or unsigned. F No changes will be made to any signed article -- other than formatting< and/or spell checking -- without permission from the author.   5    When you read NutWorks, the world laughs with you!    H ------------------------------------------------------------------------    We're sorry... ===========    F     Some of you may have noticed that this issue of NutWorks magazine,E the greatest thing to happen to computers since CP/67, was just a tad E late arriving in your virtual reader.  What?  A month late!?  Gee, we E didn't think it had been *that* long.  Well, what can we say?  It's a E new semester, we're students, we have jobs.   There's just not enough  time in the day sometimes.E     Anyhow, the staff of NutWorks magazine, the greatest thing that's D happened  to humor since the dribble-glass,  wishes to apologize forE being tardy this month.   We know that it must have been hard on you.    H ------------------------------------------------------------------------   )                           From the Bridge )                           ===============    
 Captains Log:  Stardate 860210  Commander Spock Reporting.   2 Well, it's the begining of another new semester...   H     Being a farely  knowledgable computer  student I dread  this time ofH being bombarded with incredibly philisophic questions.  One  of  my  allH favorites occurred just the other day while I was working on this issue.H THE QUESTION: "How do I get out of CMS ?" (Our logon enviornment is CMS)H Well  being  determined to help a fellow student in need (UGH) I decidedH that a question of this magnitude and scope should be reffered to  thoseH who  are  more  knowledgable then I.  Hence, I consulted a few liaisons,H the head of CUNY consulting, and a few  system  programmers  I  know  toH obtain the answer to this awesome question.  After a  bit of  convincingH thenmthat I was serious and truly wanted to know the answer they told me the following:    1) Type CP LOGOFF 
 2) Type CP1 3) If you don't like CMS go get your own machine. 	 4) etc...    >     Other great events here at Brooklyn College have included:   G 1) The day a  student  forgot to take  the  rubber band off his deck of @    cards and broke the card reader machine for a day and a helf.G    <Doesn't say much for our swift operator who didn't notice before he (     fed the machine the cards either...>   G 2) The day one student added (at the reccomendation of another student) "    CP LOGOFF to his logon profile.G    <I am not  even going  to bother to tell  you how this one ended...>    G 3) Almost  as bad as the  above was when a student  received an account     with IPL CMS as his profile.    G 4) One of my favorites was when for some reason (still unknown to me) a G    student  removed from his profile the line  that defined  his reader G    and sat here for hours wondering while his programs hadn't come back G    to him.  He couldn't understand why everyone else was getting  there     outputs back and he wasn't.      H ------------------------------------------------------------------------   )                             NutWorks News )                             =============    H    1) The NutWorks Staff wishes to extend its welcome to all readers whoH are returning for the Spring semester,  (as well as those who never left to begin with)!    H Note: If you are graduating or will not have the same account this term,H please drop us some mail so we can delete you from the mailing list and/, or add your new account to the mailing list.       3) (Outdated text deleted)    H    4) Nutworks is no longer available to BITnet users on the now defunctH Forum @ Bitnic.  Back issues of NutWorks *are* still available on CSNEWSH at MAINE via the SENDME NUTWORKS ISSUExxx command.  Usenet users can getH NutWorks through Alan <xxxx@xxxxxx.xxxxxx>.  For more information pleaseG consult the NutWorks Info File available in a solar system near you !!!    :    5) NutWorks is no longer available on SERVER at TAMCBA.   H    6) Some articles contained herein may have once appeared on the HumorH disk, an offshoot of this magazine, which used to be a part of CSNEWS atI MAINE but is no longer available.  No "old" NutWorks articles will be re-  printed.   H    7) To get yourself added to the NutWorks mailing list, just send mail to BRENT@MAINE.BITNET.   H ------------------------------------------------------------------------   )                              Nuts & Bolts *                             -------------- Commentary.  (Maligner tnerB Retorting.)    B     Coming to work on an unseasonably warm Saturday morning at theD beginning of a new semester was not an unpleasant duty.  Until, thatF is, I found to my horror that there were no consultants on duty in theE user area!  With great dry heaves of revulsion I came to the realiza- D tion that for the next sixteen hours I would be flooded with intell-D ectually unfieldable inquiries from the new hackers, the novice, the uninformed, the L-User.P  A Conversation of the weekend: ---------------------------    * User:    My computer won't run my program.B Me:      It's not your computer.  See this big blue box behind me?          That's the computer. @ User:    Well, the big blue box behind you won't run my program. Me:      Did you type RUN?= User:    (Whips out set of instructions and reads from same):-E          I typed EDIT HW1 and then INPUT and then PROGRAM HW1 (INPUT,-F          OUTPUT); and then (* This program will take the average of...          ...          ... (days pass...)           ...G          ...and then END. and then <CR> and then FILE and then RUN HW1.  Me:      (Waking abruptly):wG          <CR> stands for Carriage Return!  Just hit the ENTER key when-w)          ever your instructions say <CR>!e User:    Uh-oh...e Me:      What's wrong?   D (The user had typed "<CR>" at the end of every line in his program.)  i  u" Runner up for the stupidity award:! ---------------------------------M  e/ User:    I can't stop my program from running!!a! Me:      Type "HX" and hit ENTER. 4 User:    But I DID that and it still says "Running."D Me:      It's *supposed* to say "Running."  That let's you know that1          the system is running, not your program.l User:    Ok.5          (Goes away briefly.  Returns moments later.)e%          Can you force me?  I'm hung.13 Me:      (Skeptically) What did you do to get hung?-A User:    Nothing!  It said "Running" and I typed "LIST", and then ?          it said "More..." (pronounced "more dot dot dot") so I*          I typed "LIST" again.  *F (User had typed "LIST" about twelve times thinking that "his computer" wanted "more").     And for an honerable mention:  ----------------------------    User:    Are the operator? Me:      I hope so. ( User:    Can you get my 191 back for me?E Me:      (Foolishly assuming that the user had a legitimate complaint ?          and that the system might actually have disk trouble):a(          What did the error message say? User:    DASD 191 DETACHED/ Me:      You didn't type DET 191 by any chance?D User:    Yes... why?  eB (Now I know the true meaning of the word AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!)    bcjbH ------------------------------------------------------------------------  m3                        To Compute or Not To Computen3                        ============================*>             Transcribed from "Bloom County" by Berke Breathed.  *  *" The words of Oliver Wendell Jones:  *)         "To compute, or not to compute...a          That is the question.  =/         "Whether 'tis nobler in the memory bankaC          To suffer the slings and circuits of outrageous functions,t<          Or to take up arms against a sea of... transistors.?          Or rather, transponders...   transcondu-...   trans... 
          Er..k  !         "Oh, to hack with it."  y  mH ------------------------------------------------------------------------  i  t-                      The Uzi vs. The ComputerW-                      ========================a1                Yossie Silverman (Yossie @ Bitnic)y   F The following advertisement appeared in one of the munition magazines:  rD   The Guy on the Right Doesn't Stand a Chance.  The guy on the rightD has the Osborne 1,  a fully functional computer system in a portableD package  the size of a  briefcase.  The  guy on the left  has an UziD submachine gun concealed  in his attache case.  Also in the case are? four fully loaded, 32 round clips of 125 grain 9 mm ammunition.g   D   The owner  of the  Uzi  is going  to get  more tactical  firepowerD delivered --- and delivered on target --- in less time and with less effort.h   !   All for $795.  It's inevitable.    D   If you're going  up against some  guy with an Osborne 1 --- or anyD personal computer -- he's the one whose in trouble.   One round fromD an Uzi can zip through ten inches  of solid  pine wood,  so  you canD imagine  what  it  will  do  to  structural  foam  acrylic and sheetD aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines for the Uzi are available inD 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities,  so you can  take  out  an entireD office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied into Ethernet or other local area networks.   mD   What about the new 16-bit computers,  like the  Lisa  and Fortune?D Even with the Winchester backup they're no match for the Uzi.    One- quick burst and they'll find what UNIX means.l  hD   Make your commanding officer proud.  Get an Uzi -- and come home a1 winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.S  N  HH ------------------------------------------------------------------------  iA Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?o	 A: Three:a2       One to write the light bulb removal program,8       One to write the light bulb insertion program, and;       One to act as a light bulb administrator to make surerF           nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.  a  iH ------------------------------------------------------------------------   +                        First Day on the JobL,                       ----------------------  e2      The foreman is talking to the new employee...  vH Foreman:   You're really going to like it here.  Every Thursday the boysG            go to the bar after work and get smashed out of their minds.c   6 Rookie:    I don't think I'd like that; I don't drink.  fF Foreman:   Well, every Friday night after work we get together and get;            wasted on a pound of some of the best Columbian!e  c9 Rookie:    I wouldn't like that either; I don't do drugs.   fF Foreman:   Well, every Saturday evening we go down to the local house-3            of-ill-repute and spend the whole night.a  u. Rookie:    I don't think I'd like that either.  p2 Foreman:   (suspiciously)  You're not gay, are ya?  r Rookie:    No.  nC Foreman:   Then you *really* won't like what we do on Sunday night!e  h  rH ------------------------------------------------------------------------  c1                    BASE ADDRESS REGISTER CONCEPTS 1                    ==============================s  .A      The IBM 360/50 computer knows where it is at all times.   It-A knows this because it knows where it isn't.  By subtracting where A it is,   from where it isn't;  or where it isn't from where it isfA (whichever is greater),   it obtains a difference,  or deviation.    A      The system uses deviations to generate corrective  instruct- A ions to take the  computer  from a  storage position where it is, A to a position where it isn't;   arriving at the position where itmA wasn't, it now is.   Consequently, the position where it was,  is A now the position  where  it  wasn't,  and  it  follows  that  thei5 position where it was is the position where it isn't.c  BA      In  the  event  the  position  where  it is  now, is not theaA position  where it wasn't,  the system  has acquired a variation,rA the variation being the difference  between where the computer is A and where it  wasn't.  However,  the  computer is  sure  where it A isn't, and it knows  where it wasn't, and by differentiating this.A from the algebraic difference  between where  it shouldn't be andnA where it was,  it is able to  obtain the  difference  between itsp2 deviation and its variation which is called ERROR!   ( (Thank God IBM hired technical writers.)  .H ------------------------------------------------------------------------  lG     And now, a new word derived by the spellchecker in its never-ending-( quest to make sense of our misspellings:   = Defence - v. To take the fence away.  "We DEFENCED the yard."-  -H ------------------------------------------------------------------------   1                    Goofed-up Getaways Foil Crimesn2                   ================================  l by Stephen Fay   H     On the night of Nov. 24, 1974, a 26-year-old Lee  man  fleeing  from? the police facilitated his own capture by crashing into a tree.a  oH     And  though there's nothing so unusual about people fleeing from theH police crashing into trees, most of them do  so  while  in  cars.   ThisH particular  man  had  been on foot when he ran into the tree and knocked himself cock-eyed.  nH     Ignominious as his capture was, he at least has the  consolation  ofH knowing  he  is not alone.  For Berkshire County appears to be something# of a capital of goofed-up getaways.    H     From the killer who telephoned the Pittsfield Fire Department (whichH records all calls) and pounded on the doors of sleeping neighbors askingH directions to the home of his victim to the bank robbers who got  caughtH when they got snarled in North Adams's rush-hour traffic to the lady whoH robbed a liquor store and fled in a taxi, Berkshire County malefactors -H homegrown  as  well  as  transplants - have much to learn in the getawayH department.   A  little  research  into  criminal  activities   in   theC Berkshires turns up a whole gang of crooks who blew their getaways.a  h _Stuck_in_snowbank  hH     Take  the case of the 40-year-old multimillionaire who was convictedH of torching his Richmond summer home one snowy, cold morning in  JanuaryH 1983.   Not  only did he increase the insurance on his $200,000 house toH $400,000 shortly before the fire, but while setting a blaze in the  rearH bedroom  he managed to touch off the fire alarm, not once but twice.  AtH getaway time, he did not get far.  His car got stuck in a snowbank  nearH his  Woodlot Road home.  Firefighters responding to the alarm saw him asG they rushed to the fire scene.  He was charged shortly after the event.    H     The  most  quickly  solved  bank  robbery  in  Pittsfield's  historyH occurred  Dec. 3, 1974.  A 33-year-old city resident forced his way intoH the West Housatonic Street branch of  City  Savings  Bank  at  9:40,  20H minutes  before  the  bank was to open.  An alert teller observed two ofH her colleagues approaching the door and asked the robber  if  she  could? tell the approaching "customers" that the bank wasn't open yet.t   H     The teller went to the front door and, using a codeword that meant aH robbery was in progress, sent her two co-workers dashing for a phone  to call police.  DH     In  the meantime, the robber had gathered up $9,600 and, discoveringH he hadn't thought of transportation, asked one of the tellers inside theH bank  for  the  loan  of  a car.  When police arrived, shortly after theH robber departed, the teller was able to provide an exact description  of the vehicle.  eH     Meanwhile,  two  detectives  investigating  a  burglary  at  CrystalH Creamery a mile away, heard the description of the car and driver and, aE minute later, watched in awe as the very same car went right by them.    H     The bank robber still had the money bag in his hand when they nabbed him a few blocks later.s   H     It was only last  January  that  a  25-year-old  North  Adams  womanH pointed  a  gun  at the owner of the Liquor Mart at the Artery Arcade inH North Adams and scooped $320 from the cash register, half of  which  sheH dropped  on the ground while leaving the store.  Then she used a taxi asH a getaway car.  The ower of the store took down  the  cab's  number  andH police  quickly found the driver, who knew nothing of what his passengerH was up to.  Twenty minutes after the robbery, the robber was arrested at	 her home.     _Caught_in_traffic_l  uH     "You  gotta  know  the territory," said the man in Meredith Wilson's "The Music Man."  tH     It  is  advice  that  would  have  spared  a  visitor  from  WalthamH considerable  grief on the afternoon of - when else? - April Fools' Day, 1982.    H     The 32-year-old bandit stuck up the  South  Adams  Savings  Bank  onH Route  8  in Cheshire at about 4:30 p.m.  With $635 in cash stuffed intoH bank bags and a .22-caliber pistol in his hand, the robber  roared  awayH in  his  black  Ford Mustang.  He made the big mistake of heading north,H however.  A half-hour later, he  got  snarled  in  a  5  p.m.  rush-hourH traffic jam on State Street in North Adams.  The police closed in and he gave in.  aH     The Indiana Jones award goes to the 25-year-old North Adams man  whoH broke  into a woman's apartment in March 1983.  The woman kicked him andH ran shouting out the door.  The attacker jumped out the window,  perhapsH forgetting  he  was on the second floor.  He broke his left ankle, which: was still in its cast during the trial three months later.  hH     Then there were the two men charged with the Feb. 13, 1979,  killingH of  a  Pittsfield  man.  The victim lived on Hungerford Street, a ratherH hard-to-find road off West Housatonic Street.  At their trial, it becameH evident  that the two defendants were themselves victims - of a profound lack of planning.s  eH     It seems, first of all, that they  did  not  know  where  HungerfordH Street was.  So one of them called the Pittsfield Fire Department to askH directions, unaware that his call, like all calls to the department, wasH recorded.   Then,  in  the  wee  hours  of the morning, the two wanderedH around West Pittsfield, banging on the doors of sleepers,  asking  whereH Hungerford  Street was.  The fire dispatcher and several of the awakened' neighbors were to testify at the trial.   eH     One of the men - the gunman - was found guilty of the  killing,  the other was let off.  E _Dropped_money_   sH     That  North  Adams  liquor  store  bandit  who dropped half her takeH brings to mind the case of the unluck  crook  who  didn't  get  what  he5 ordered at the old Majestic Restaurant in Pittsfield.a  gH     The  case goes back to Jan. 22, 1974.  An armed robber wearing a skiH mask grabbed the cash box from behind the bar of a North Street  eatery.H But  the  gray metal box wasn't latched.  It fell open and all the moneyH fell on the floor behind the bar.  The crook headed for the door,  stillH hanging  onto  the  empty money box, and took a blast of tear gas in the7 face from a little aerosol can brandished by the owner.l   H     Perhaps the most inept attempt to commit a crime was illustrated  by one Adams man.  -H     The  individual  in question, age 23, tried to extort exactly $7,045H from A.H. Rice Co. of Pittsfield.  The money demand, written on a  pieceH of  Howard Johnson's guest stationery, was accompanied by a bomb threat.H The extortionist demanded that the sum be  sent  to  his  home  on  BurtH Street  in  Adams.   Cleverly, he thought, in order to throw authoritiesH off, the extortionist said the people at that address  knew  nothing  of	 the plot.c  eH     "It  reminds  me,"  his lawyer, George B. Crane, told the judge, "ofH the old saw about the kidnapper sending the kid  home  with  the  ransom note."  t  wH ------------------------------------------------------------------------   .                               Cursed Baby Crib/                              ------------------c  BH     Dick and Jane were expecting their first child, so they went down toH  buy a crib.  After looking at all the different models, they decided onH  one sitting in the  corner with no price tag on it.   So they asked theH  salesman how much it was.   He replied, "You don't want that one,  it'sH  cursed.   As soon as you put the baby in it, the baby will die.   ThreeH  seconds later,   the mother will die.    And three seconds  later,  theH  father will die."  Well,  Dick and Jane  just loved the crib,  and theyH  thought the salesman  was merely trying to  jack up the price  or some-0  thing, so, after much haggling, they bought it.  -H     A couple of weeks later,  little  Johnny was born.  They brought himH  home from the hospital.   Jane was  so happy.   Dick proudly watched asH  his wife put Johnny into the crib.   Johnny said, "ack oop",  and died.H  Then Dick  saw his  wife collapse onto  the floor  in a  lifeless heap.H  Terrified, he ran out of the house and killed himself tripping over the  dead milkman.  S  hH ------------------------------------------------------------------------  gD               A long time ago, on a node far, far away (from ucbvax)5               a great Adventure (game?) took place...t  oG         XXXXX   XXXXXX   XXXX        X    X    XX    XXXXX    XXXX    XiG         X    X  X       X    X       X    X   X  X   X    X  X    X   X G         X    X  XXXXX   X            X    X  X    X  X    X   XXXX    XuG         X    X  X       X            X XX X  XXXXXX  XXXXX        X   X C         X    X  X       X    X       XX  XX  X    X  X   X   X    XuG         XXXXX   XXXXXX   XXXX        X    X  X    X  X    X   XXXX    XD  rF             It is a period of system war.  User programs striking fromF          a hidden directory,  have won their first victory against theF          evil Administrative Empire.  During  the battle,   User spiesF          managed to steal secret source code to the Empire's  ultimateF          program:  The  Are-Em Star,  a privileged root  program  withF          enough power to  destroy  an entire file  structure.  PursuedF          by the Empire's sinister audit trail,   Princess Linker racesF          aboard her  shell script,  custodian  of the  stolen listingsF          that could save her people,  and restore freedom and games to          the network...o   F          -------------------------------------------------------------  nC             THE CONTINUING SAGA OF THE ADVENTURES OF LUKE VAXHACKERe  nF          -------------------------------------------------------------  tE           <<stoping the garbage collector from realocating them all>>u  iF          -------------------------------------------------------------   F             Luke noticed an unused handler lying  around and jumped toF          it.  The others  followed and  were soon  able to  execute anF          escape sequence.  Trashing some of its  relocation  registersF          caused a frame fault.  He started working his way back up theF          return stack when he was road blocked by  Dec Vadic who stoodF          with his bytesaber active.  "At last we will see who the realF          file master is" he remarked, bits, bytes, words, and nybbles,F          flew as the two fought for bus mastership.   PDP-1  exclaimedF          "You were my best subtask! How could you have been seduced byF          the sideband portion of the carrier?".  "It's simple,"  Vadic*          said, "I enjoy obscure protocol".  oF             While the battle continued,  Luke,  Con,  Bookie,  and theF          Princess linked up  with the  droids and found their way backF          to the inode where the Milliamp Falcon was stored.  It lookedF          quiet, "But,",  Luke said  "It could be an  MMU  trap.".  "NoF          chance",   said Con,  "I loaded the par's  before I  left the          Falcon."d  iF             As they  started  toward it a squad of recursive functionsF          swapped in and started firing ROM blasters at them.  "ThoughtF          you said  it  couldn't  be a trap"  quipped  Luke  "I said noF          chance for an MMU trap this is obviously a   k-mon--f-trap-toF          4" Con replied. PDP-1 shouted at the others "Escape while youF          can!  I'll cause  wait states as long as possible!"  and withF          that he allowed Vadic a chance to apply several hits with theF          bytesaber.  Instead of halting,  PDP-1  was encoded  onto the          carrier.    F             The  Milliamp Falcon  was restarted  and managed to escapeF          the shell. "Quickly!"  shouted Con,  "We've got to  warp intoF          virtual space!" The Bookie made several attempts,  but it wasF          obvious that a CE had not done PM in a long time and it wouldF          take a lot of  decimal  adjusts to  byte  align  all the dataF          registers.  After much  debugging,  virtual space was finallyF          achieved.  "Do you know the path?"  asked Princess LPA0.  "NoF          sweat"  said Con   "All we have to do is check the free space          map".  iF          -------------------------------------------------------------  e?                 <<rest of star wars, especially the dog fight>>gF          <<begining of empire strikes back, especially the battle ..>>  hF          -------------------------------------------------------------  w3                                Some months later...k  iF             Luke was feeling rather bored. 3CPU could get to be ratherF          irritating and  RS232  didn't really speak  Luke's  language.F          Suddenly, Luke felt someone's eyes boring through the back ofF          his skull.  He turned slowly to see...nothing.  A quiet voice-          came from somewhere in front of him.   9F             "Grasshopper,  the carrier  is strong  within you."   LukeF          froze, which was a good thing  since his  legs were insistingF          that  he run  but they weren't likely to  be particular aboutF          direction.  Luke guessed that his odds of getting lost in theF          dense tree structures were  pretty good.  Unfortunately,  the!          Bookie wasn't available.n  oF             "Yes.  Very strong,  but the modulation is  yet weak.  HisF          network interface is undeveloped,"  the  voice  continued.  AF          small furry creature walked out of the  woods as  Luke staredF          on.   Luke's  stomach  had now joined the rest of his body inF          loud complaints.  Whatever was peering at  him was  certainlyF          small and furry,  but Luke was quite sure that it didn't comeF          from Alpha Centauri.  "Well,  well,"  said the creature as itF          rolled its eyes at Luke.  "Frobozz,  y'know.  Morning, name'sF          Modem.   What's your game?  Adventure?  D&D?  Or are you justF          one of those Apple - pong  types that  hang  around the store          demonstrations?"i  aF             Luke closed his eyes.  Perhaps,  if he couldn't see it, itF          wouldn't notice him.  "H'mm,"   muttered the creature.  "MustF          use a different protocol.  @@@H   @@   @($@@@H          }"@G$!          @#@@G'(o%  @@@@@%%H(b ?"   ,F             "No, no!,"  stammered Luke.  "I don't speak EBCDIC.  I wasF          sent here to  become a  UNIX  wizard.   Must  have  the wrongF          address."  "Right address,"  said the creature.  "I am a UNIXF          wizard.  Device drivers a specialty. Or do you prefer playingF          with virtual memory?"  Luke eyed the creature cautiously.  IfF          this was what happened to system  wizards after years of lateF          night crashes, Luke wasn't sure he wanted anything to do withF          it.  He felt a  strange  affection  for the  familiar  micro-F          computers of his home.   And wasn't  virtual memory something2          that you got from drinking too much Coke?  nF          -------------------------------------------------------------  mF             << rest of empire strikes back,  especially getting to the5          user haven, a directory unconnected to /. >>    F          -------------------------------------------------------------  -;                   << Return of the Jedi, if and when ... >>   tF          -------------------------------------------------------------  t     i@                 The preceding was written by a number of people,@              working piecemeal.  Additions  should  be posted to@              the net.  Here at Case, we think the little incons-@              istancies just add a little charm. Please note that@              the  unsigned  stuff enclosed  in  <<...>>'s  is by@              Barak Pearlmutter  (thats me)  while the stuff enc-@              losed in <<...>>'s signed " -Ed." is by ...!stolaf!              borman.A                                      May the Carrier be with you,w6                                      Barak Pearlmutter=                                      decvax!cwruecmp!pearlmutn  iB              Actually, if you do come up with additions, mail them              to GAMES.;                                           The Grand Wizard.h  oH ------------------------------------------------------------------------1 February, 1986.  Issue009, (Volume II, Number 5).-